In many cultures, allowing the parent to stay in the spare
bedroom for months at a time while visiting the immigrant in the US from their foreign country, is a
given. It would be expensive and insulting to stick mom at a hotel or motel.
But allowing mom to stay with you and your US citizen spouse can lead to
problems that you may not anticipate, especially if you have a conditionalgreen card. The stereotypical
mother-in-law is known to cause a rift between couples and when cultural issues
converge upon a US citizen from a different culture and your own, you may find
yourself in the middle of supporting your wife or your mother. I have had many consultations with both men
and women who are separated during the conditional period from their US citizen
spouse because their spouse couldn’t stand the mother-in-law’s interference,
whether real or imaginary.
If your spouse refuses to move back in with you and/or your
mother refuses to leave or you refuse to move her out, you may be forced to
file for divorce and file for a I-751 conditional green card waiver based on
good faith marriage due to the separation because your spouse is not willing to
file the joint I-751 petition with you. The
first problem you run into is:
- You have to prove the separation was not your fault. If you moved in your mother, took her side against your spouse, etc., then it’s nearly impossible to prove that your spouse moving out was not your fault.
- You run into is logistics of proving you were in a real marriage, after the fact, and when your spouse is likely angry with you for seemingly choosing your parent over the spouse. The divorce decree is not the most important evidence for the waiver.
How are you going to document your commingled
financial and physical life with your spouse if s/he has cut off your access to
those accounts, refuses to speak with you, you can’t notify the bank without
her finding out, or all of the assets were in her name or your separate
names?
What if the tables are turned? Even if your US citizen
spouse moves in their brother or parent into your home, and you leave, how can
you prove it’s her fault, not your’s, when in many cultures, wives are expected
to live with their families or must financially support financially-strapped
family members who cannot afford to live on their own? Who looks like the bad
guy to CIS?
So, what can you do? Prevention is the best medicine. Be clear with your spouse about how long you
are expecting your parent to stay and agree on the timeline. Get this in
writing (a casual email agreeing to this – but don’t make it too obvious! - can
help you document this later if your spouse back-peddles within days of your
parent showing up). Have a conversation
with your parent about interfering and advising your spouse or you against your
spouse’s wishes – at least while s/he is visiting. If you can afford it, have your parent stay
at a hotel or stay with another relative and visit your parent instead of
having your parent live in your house.
There’s an old adage that new wives are especially nervous about their
role as a wife and may be more sensitive to any comments made by your parent.
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